Lost Sight of the Qualities That Made You Fall in Love? – 5 Ways to Restore Intimacy

It was love at first, but now… your vision feels blurry.

couple huggingDon’t hit the panic button just yet.

In the vast majority of situations, love endures.

Your compatibility and evolution might be where the issues lie. Circumstances, perspectives, and behaviors change.

This is a scary proposition, but it’s also an amazing opportunity to learn more about yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Why Do We Lose Sight of the Qualities That Made Us Fall in Love?

As stated above, it’s not a lack of love. It’s not even a lack of qualities to make us fall in love. Over the years, however, many factors can obscure the view.

Here are some basic patterns that can lead to a decline in intimacy:

  • Circumstances: We may change careers, relocate, start a family, deal with loss, or manage injuries and illnesses. We also age and encounter new ideas and evolve. The circumstances are too numerous to list, but they all share one thing in common—they require our attention.
  • Taking each other for granted: We’re taught tall tales of “love at first sight,” but this diminishes how much work a marriage involves. Doing the right thing, in the beginning, doesn’t mean you can coast over time. Again, our attention is required.
  • Lack of communication: We can blame it on cell phones and too many high tech distractions, but beneath all that may lie other factors. Communication is the foundation of love and healthy intimacy. It’s a process to be embraced, not postponed.
  • Too much focus on the disagreements: As the saying goes, the honeymoon is over. This means arriving at the reality of disagreements or even outright arguments. Such interactions cannot be ignored, but they must not be viewed as the final judgment of our relationship.
  • Unwillingness to make both small and huge changes: The above factors can be daunting. They can lead to denial and inaction. But, without a willingness to change, our incompatibilities may grow and deepen.

5 Ways to Restore Intimacy in Your Marriage

It will require effort, but restoring intimacy is worthwhile and not too complicated. If you’re willing to put in the time, here are five great ways to achieve what you seek:

1. Commit to Communication

As always, this is where it begins and this is where it must stay. Communication helps you refocus on the qualities that made you fall in love and discover new lovable qualities. This is a crucial way to restore intimacy!

2. Talk About Your Day

Re-connect where you are. Be present with each other. Talk about the moment, your feelings, and your experiences. Make your interactions matter and make them count.

3. Offer Compliments Regularly

You’re in love! Of course, this means there are many things you really like about each other. But, over time, you may tend to express such opinions less and less. That must change. Compliments from your spouse are like fuel for the intimacy fire.

4. Find Reasons to Laugh

There’s a reason why some clichés exist. Laughter is important and bonding can feel both sensual and erotic. No matter how much you’re struggling, make time to have fun.

5. Accept Intimacy as a Process

We all change in terms of what we like and don’t like. This change is reflected in your intimate life. So, remain open to discovering intimacy—in its many guises. (Pro tip: There’s more to intimacy than getting naked.)

Can Marriage Counseling Help Restore Intimacy?

Quite often, we are too close to a problem to begin addressing it alone. Couples counseling provides us with much-needed perspective. You might even call it a vision adjustment.

As mentioned, the love lingers but your focus often shifts. Working with a therapist can teach you to understand the behaviors and patterns that challenge intimacy. Identifying the causes puts you in position to communicate, to learn, to grow, and to re-connect.

In fact, the simple act of attending couples therapy together is an act of intimacy.

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